February 21 2017

UK Government Announces NHS Cuts As Well As Tax Rises As A Way To Double-Fuck Everyone

Despite past polling indicating that the British people would far rather see their taxes rise than have cuts to the NHS, the Conservative government has decided to do both.
In fact, they've decided to cut just about everything as well as raising income tax the maximum amount allowed without having to call a referendum. This assures the government that payback for Brexit will reach the poor via NHS cuts, and everyone else via tax rises.

Citing the excellent "Care In The Community" scheme (which as everyone knows had no problems whatsover) where the community were asked to care for people with mental problems, Ministers say the solution will be much the same. We spoke with MP for Southampton Itchens Roy Smith (Conservative) who told us what the government's plans are for the NHS.

"Care In The Community worked brilliantly, because as we all know nobody could care for these people. They pretty much all dropped dead when the nights got a bit too cold or when they forgot to feed themselves. Like Stalin said, "Death is the answer to all problems. No man, no problem". We don't normally like the words of Stalin in the conservative party, but when it comes to the poor, we can agree with him there. The poor all vote either Labourt or UKIP these days, so the best thing to do is make the country have less poor people."

We asked Mr Smith if he thought a better solution would be to try and increase the jobs available to the populace and increase general standards of living (rather than plebian genocide) but he immediately scoffed at the idea.

"What's the use of being rich if everybody else is as well? You aren't rich at all then. No, we don't want to better the poor, we just need to cull them. We still need a few around to feel superior to, and as servants in our restaurants and taxis. But there are far too many of them about at the minute. See, when the badgers needed culling we got a lot of bleeding hearts telling us it was a bad idea. It will be much the same with the death of the NHS."